I’m sure you’ve heard the word “boundary” by now. It’s become quiet the buzzword over the last couple of years. But among all the buzz, the actual definition of what a boundary is has seemed to have gotten lost in translation.
I don’t think a day has gone by over the last six months that I haven’t heard the word *boundary* used at least once. Pretty crazy right?
I love seeing people embrace the concept of boundaries to make healthy changes to quantify their worth to live the best possible life. What I don’t love so much is when I hear the concept of boundaries being used out of context.
Let’s break down what a boundary is…
Boundaries often get a bad wrap of having to be “mean” or “going off” on people or standing your ground. This isn’t a boundary. This means your boundary was crossed a long time ago and you didn’t know how implement it in a healthy way.
It’s okay, it’s not your fault. It just means you were never taught how to do this.
A boundary isn’t about making demands to the people around you.
Steps to Setting a *Healthy* Boundary:
Majority of people are really good at identifying what their boundaries are, but not so good on how to implement them. I like to break down healthy boundaries setting into two steps:
1,) You identify and verbalize your boundary to the person(s) you feel are violating that boundary.
2.) You implement that boundary when the first step didn’t work so well.
Like I said, most people get stuck in the first step demanding the same boundary over and over again to the same people. This isn’t boundary setting. It’s boundary asking.
The heavy lifting of setting healthy boundaries actually comes from the second step… implementing your boundary even when other’s don’t agree.
The second step is all about having a proactive plan. If you’re trying to come up with a plan in the moment, it’s not a plan it’s a reaction. This will make you feel out of control and violated all over again. This counterproductive to why you wanted to set the boundary in the first place.
Your boundary plan should look like this: “When you do this…. I’m going to do this…”.
Your boundary plan isn’t about punishment or retaliation, it’s about putting a limit in place that protects your worth. If you leave this plan up to the people around you, you’re putting them in control of your worth.
Remember it’s your job to protect your worth… even when others don’t agree.
Learning to set a healthy boundary takes serious effort and practice. Even though you’re implementing boundaries to make a healthy change, you most likely will have feelings of anger, sadness, isolation, guilt, and anxiety. That’s okay. The feelings a normal.
Those feelings are actually a part of healthy boundary setting. Weird right? It’s important to recognize these feelings, understand them, and move through them to become a boundary master.
If you’ve been struggling with practicing healthy boundaries in your life contact me here to see how I can help. Boundary setting is a skill. It’s not something you’re born with. This means you’re capable of becoming a boundary master with guidance and practice.